You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
