I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize