my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
