My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
