Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
COCAINE IS GR8
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
