Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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