wanna go halves on a baby?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
