Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
