Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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