turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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