what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
