How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
