I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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