he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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