I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
