he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
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