remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
