He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she told me i tasted like america
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So vagazzling was a success
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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