My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
