some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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