I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
