from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
