wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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