Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
