Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
