Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
