It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
