the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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