not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
