ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
