There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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