My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
