There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
