Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
