i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
