I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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