4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
