If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
as a side note pls kill me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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