Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
