tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
