I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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