Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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