Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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