I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
