Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
