M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
