I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
