do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
