but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
