So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
