im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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