i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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