i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
