I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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