are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
