.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
