I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
