Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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