I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
