Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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