Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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