I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
