Soap is not a condiment
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
