...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
