He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
