No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
