i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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