He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
