Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
