Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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