well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
