In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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