I wanna passion pit in your ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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