so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
jump out the window naked night went bad
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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