you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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