i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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