But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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